This post is a radical departure from my usual musings. This topic is so crucial  that I am routing you to a Youtube podcast of Mike Winger. Here Teasie Cannon (TC) and Mike discuss the treachery of pastoral elitism, the bully pulpit, and lack of leadership accountability in a way that shocked me because it paralleled my own horrible experience. Although it is long, I urge you to listen – especially if you are unsure about your pastor’s accountability situation. You do not want to facilitate a bully, even a gifted one.

This is not a vengeful Christianity-bashing pastor expose`. She never mentions his name. Her dignity and integrity shine through, and it is clear that her burden is to inform so as to help the church hold their authorities to account – for their own benefit as well as the good of the church. She understands that leaders will face even greater scrutiny at the judgment seat of Christ and seeks transparency. In addition, the reputation of the church is ravaged by these stories that could possibly be prevented by loving confrontation.

TC tells her story with grace and with conviction that persuades the listener of his/her responsibility. Her recounting of the attitudes and strategies of her pastor was stunning because it mirrored my experience – except for the way it ended. I had assumed my situation was unique because I was involved in a subculture church, but apparently this is not the case – sadly. After the ministry blew up, I gave up on church for a long time, timidly dipping my toe in the water years later – but never with the commitment that had characterized my service previously. I found the churches rather formulaic after  the radical experience of a ministry that at its best reflected the community I read about in the book of Acts. Years later, attending a conventional and seemingly safe church I was told by the pastor that I needed to trust him and his wife when I questioned the reason behind unscriptural and cruel treatment of one of the congregants. Despite my past experience I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Although this was not the dramatic abuse of power discussed in this podcast, I feel that my acquiescence perpetuated church culture that grieves the Holy Spirit. The common template of church gathering fosters an exaggerated sense of pastoral authority, but form is not the issue. There was plurality of leadership and alleged autonomy in the local gatherings of my previous church, and we still experienced spiritual abuse by the overseeing brother. This is why I urge you to listen thoughtfully, and act if necessary.

I still deeply lament that I did not speak out about my concerns earlier than I did, and it has been twenty -five years. Personal spiritual betrayal leaves a mark, but the thought of possibly stumbling dear people – especially the youth – brings a profound level of grief. Like she says, you cannot get those years back, but worse than that for me is that I was not just a victim, but to some degree complicit. There was a time when we had no idea, then a time we knew something was wrong – not sure what –  but just went along believing the best and “having grace” upon the leader. Grace for the leader was pain for the sheep in the long run. Shame has far reaching tentacles. This is why I share this so perhaps someone will be alerted to possible danger. 

And yet, despite that trial, the Lord is faithful. This is not a cliche to me. I have learned His heart in unimaginable ways, precisely because of this trauma. I gave up on church for a while but I did never gave up on Him, although we have had many “What???????” conversations. I leave my life in His capable hands, and to my utter surprise and delight I have become involved with a church that is the opposite of what is described here. I am not naive, whatever man touches can be corrupted, but for now I am grateful that I can experience life in a community of God-lovers once again.

Shalom